Rudy Poo Tootee was not a name anybody called the red-nosed hero to his face, but that was his nickname among the Reindeer Corps, his elite team of Santa’s sleigh pullers.
Oh the reindeer respected Rudy alright, but Rudy was — how shall I say this in a delicate manner? — somewhat anal. You know, head so far up the butt his rigidity prevented him from bending over.
Rudy’s training regimen was strictly formulaic. March, march, march. Run, run, run. Crawl, crawl, crawl. Jump, jump, jump. Roll, roll, roll. Fly, fly, fly. Now do it again until you get it right. Every day, day in and day out. Oh it was tiring training to be an elite reindeer.
But back to the nickname.
Forgive me for transitioning from the anal to flatulent. Don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just telling you the story as it happened.
One day Santa walked onto the training grounds looking for his reindeer leader, and he yelled “Rudy!” which was what everyone called the red-nosed one.
Right after that, Rufus — Rudy’s cousin — the snot-nosed reindeer, let loose with a gassy “Pa Too Tee.” Not silent, but deadly nonetheless, judging by the reindeers’ wrinkled up faces.
Now, you have to realize that despite Rufus’ love of bodily-function humor, he hadn’t intended to let loose at that particular moment. Oh, he intended to fart with great vigor and release a really smelly onion bomb.
That was the only reason he was on the parade grounds that day. He wasn’t much into Rudy’s training obsession. Rufus was all about the jokes.
Rufus ate three onions from Mrs. Claus’ kitchen in hopes of building up the most effective flatulence.
But he was trying to hold the fart in in deference to Santa, whom he hadn’t expected that day. Unable to stifle the fart, it escaped him with a three-part, almost musical, sound.
“Poo Too Tee.”
The Reindeer Corps heard Santa’s “Rudy” and then Rufus’ “Poo Too Tee” and seized on the rhyme to dub their leader Rudy Poo Tootee.
But I digress from my original intention. I really meant to come here to remind you how we left the reindeer cousins at the end of the story “Rufus the Snot-Nosed Reindeer.”
In that story, Rufus unintentionally seized Rudy’s authority and upended the status quo. When given the opportunity to regain his head reindeer role, Rudy Poo Tootee does his duty.
Read “Rufus the Snot-Nosed Reindeer: The Reckoning“, to learn how the story turned out, not only for the reindeer cousins, but ultimately, for children all over the world.
Contact: David Madrid